When a Family Member Is in Denial About Her Dad Having Dementia

How to Talk to Family Members That Are in Denial Nearly Dementia

Valerie Feurich
Jan 27, 2021

Strategies to Help You Find Common Ground for Better Care Outcomes

When family unit members don't see eye to eye, things can go from catchy to downright uncomfortable.

Do you have a family unit fellow member who isn't seeing the changes in a loved i that yous're noticing?

Family members existence on the aforementioned page and supportive of 1 another is incredibly helpful while caring for someone living with dementia. Whether you live nearby or out of country, existence able to effectively communicate and trusting one another can make all the difference.

But how practice you lot go there when you don't share the aforementioned views?

Below are a few things y'all tin try; steps to implement to starting time building a more than cohesive care partnership:

1. Realize that they may be experiencing the situation differently.

While you may be spending a lot of time with your dad on chore-related things, such as trying to make sure that he gets to an appointment on time, your sister may be having brusk, comfortable chats on the phone where your dad is quite capable of having a decent conversation. While you lot accept an calendar to run into (the doctor'southward engagement), she and dad get to enjoy a relaxed time with a leisurely phone call. While family-dynamics certainly come into play, the type of interaction tin can skew one'due south views and make it harder to discover little things. While you may exist getting one-word answers from your dad, maybe because task-focused language tends to be brusk and perchance fifty-fifty brisk, your sis cannot feel these situations from afar. What you can effort:

You may want to set upward a video chat during a task that you and dad are doing. That style, your sister or another family unit member could lookout man the interaction.
If a alive session isn't possible, you could record the interaction with your dad to share with her. In the approach of show – don't tell, this may help your sister see your side of the situation.
Enquire her/your family unit member for aid. By being open and honest well-nigh the situation and also opening the door for your family member to visit, yous may help them realize that there's more than to the situation than she/he assumed.
- You lot may want to begin this conversation with a phrase similar: I know you lot're decorated, only I'm struggling. I'1000 wondering if you lot could come up for a weekend to actually make dad happy. You've always been such a skillful sis and girl, and it would mean so much if you could pop by for a bit to see the states.

**2. Realize they may lack the groundwork knowledge to interpret the state of affairs differently.**

The more one knows virtually dementia, the more probable one is to notice little details or patterns that would exist easily missed or shrugged off as old age curiosities.

Looking at the earlier instance, your sister might think that dad is just fine since he'due south capable of a decent conversation on the telephone. But, if she knew that social chit-conversation tends to be preserved during a fair amount of the disease progression, she may come to understand that her baseline observation does not exclude dementia, thereby giving your experiences more credit. What you can attempt:

You lot may try and see if your sister or relative would be open to learning just a little more than. Try budgeted the conversation something similar this: Okay, wow, it seems we're just seeing things differently. I hate that I feel so lonely, because when you talk to dad it seems you lot and him are getting along just fine. And when I'g trying to exercise the things that were recommended to practice, I experience like I'k taking the heat. Would you be willing to take a wait at this video? I do recollect something might be happening, but I don't remember it's bothering you and dad'due south relationship, but boy am I running into problem.
If your sister or family unit member responds that they don't accept the fourth dimension, you may propose a few short video clips most dementia, such as the ones that you tin can find hither on PAC's YouTube channel or on Teepa's Clips.

**3. Realize they may take an unmet need too.**

Just every bit your family member cannot experience exactly what you're going through, yous likely may non exist enlightened of everything going on in their life either. Could it exist that they have an unmet need themselves? Could they be dealing with another tiring state of affairs that makes them unable to even consider the next possible, challenging journeying ahead? What you can effort:

Effort doing a check-in with your sister or family member. Get a gauge of where she/he might exist emotionally, physically, and mentally. A unproblematic question similar I was but thinking about y'all and wondered how you are doing may open the door to a deeper conversation and connection.
You may want to add a compliment and mention that you have noticed that dad really enjoys his conversations with her, and inquire her advice on how to communicate with him. Human beings have an innate need to be needed, and by request for her thoughts and communication y'all make her feel like she'south part of the intendance squad for your parent. In addition, this would give you an insight into where she is with her understanding of how dad is doing.
As you lot listen to your family member, go along in mind that all of our brains (even people not living with dementia) alter day-to-day, hour-to-hour, infinitesimal-to-minute. (Learn more than virtually Teepa Snowfall'south GEMS States here.) There are many things that can affect one's encephalon state, both negatively and positively. Some of the common unmet needs are:

Unmet Physical Needs

Hunger/thirst
Elimination needs
Energy levels
Pain
Discomfort

Unmet Emotional Needs

Anger
Sadness
Loneliness
Fearfulness
Boredom

Could whatever of these things be affecting your sis or family member's land of mind every bit you're talking to them? Existence able to gauge in which state of mind your sis may be will help you lot choice a ameliorate time to have potentially hard discussions.

The fact is, being the primary caregiver while other family members are at a distance can be extremely exhausting, and sometimes even disheartening. Perhaps you are at a bespeak where you don't intendance how your sister or family fellow member is doing – you only wish she/he would come and help out, or take a more active role in caring for dad. That is a very normal feeling and something many primary caregivers experience. That said, yous may desire to endeavour putting yourself in their shoes too. While this can be difficult to do, it can assist you discover a common ground to build on.

To provide the most constructive and compassionate treat people living with dementia, you demand a team of a few supportive people y'all can lean on. While it can be hard to exist the one to take the first stride, it may be well worth your while.

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4 thoughts on "How to Talk to Family Members That Are in Denial About Dementia"

Kelly Kopp

Cheers Valerie. I went through this and know how hard it is.
Very helpful!!
Michele

Thank-yous!!
Susan Weflen

My friend with Alzheimer's continues to enquire to call back a purse of hers that was lost at a restaurant over a year ago. How do I answer her without making her doubt my answer or repeatedly calling the restaurant to satisfy her dubiousness.